"I got caught eating the trash. Again. Well, 'course they didn't actually catch me eating it! I was quiet enough that nobody heard me while they slept and I had time to scatter stuff all over the house. I am neat about it. As neat as a dog can be. Put a little chewed paper here and little over there.

You know, I want them to know it took a while to spread the garbage around. Like, it took most of the night. I mean, it's not just a matter of presto and there's garbage everywhere. It takes time and effort to effectively cover the carpet and floor with tiny moist pieces of paper.

Naturally, when David gets up, I make myself scarce. 'Hey Gus. Good boy. How you doing this morning?' I'll just cower here in the corner while you go out and check the scene. Besides. They shouldn't leave the garbage out!"